[This post is due to several recent nights of waking up at 2:00 in the morning only to be unable to fall back asleep.]
If I cannot sleep, I will write. If the Christian is to believe that all happens for good — for God’s perfect purpose, I must conclude that my recent night terrors of waking up at 2:00 AM with an inability to fall back asleep are for his glory. But how can something so frustrating to my psyche be glorifying to God? Is God one who takes pleasure in using my stressful situations for his own glory? But It cannot be that God pleasures in my distress simply for his glory and praise. It is not the distress and frustration of the situation that gives God glory but instead must be something else entirely, for God is a loving and caring God.
Coming to this conclusion, it must be something outside of the natural and physical realities of the situation that bring God glory. For something good is happening during my night terrors even if I cannot fully comprehend or see what that something is. Though every outer reality portrays nothing but negativity in the situation of say being unable to sleep — the fruits of which are added stress, exhaustion, and frustration — the inner realities are where the real battle lies. Can one praise God at 3:00 AM after randomly being up for an hour? Can he continue to worship his maker at 4:00 AM?
I confess to have failed in this regard. I give God praise when I wake up at 5:00 for that is when I am “supposed” to wake. But once fate throws something in the way of my precious schedule, my ability to worship greatly diminishes, and I find myself closer to cursing my creator than glorifying in him and what he has given me in each moment including this one.
Thus, this sad tale from a random insomniac ends at this conclusion: I wake up at 2:00 AM each night not because God is cursing me, not because he is upset with me, not because he is punishing me. No. I wake up at 2:00 AM because he loves me. And this love is displayed in testing and teaching. It is easy to praise God when all is well, the difficulty comes at 2:00 in the morning when your brain is as excited as a freshman girl who just got asked to the prom.
Harsh? Perhaps. But it would be better for me in the long run if I began asking God what he’s trying to show me at 2:00 AM instead of fighting the inevitable and getting upset with him. It’s possible, nay probable, I’ve sinned or fallen into a sin I’m unaware of and God is simply using this to wake me up from my spiritual stupor I’ve found myself in. Though I hope I never have to post another one of these horrifying accounts, if I’m back at 2:00 AM it is probably because God’s still trying to get something through my thick skull, and I would rather serve a God who cared enough to wake me up each night so I can be fully joyful. Till I reach that joy: If I cannot sleep, I will write.