A good friend of mine has commissioned me to write with him a book of poems for our future children based off of Hilaire Belloc’s Cautionary Verses for his own children. You may find other masterpieces like the following by clicking here.
Iris was a pupil who attended elementary classes,
Taught by Miss Strictly who stood tall and wore glasses
That road down her nose while she glared at the students,
While she chided the children for not practicing prudence,
All but blinking Iris—eyes always on her phone—cowered in fear,
The boys cried and sobbed and covered the desks in tears,
The girls moaned and groaned and filled the floor with drops,
Until Miss Strictly glared all the harder and the boys fetched mops,
But Iris’s eyes only blinked more rapidly, like a butterfly
That keeps afloat on air lest it fall and die and not flutter by,
So Iris blinked and blinked and stared at her phone,
So Iris blinked and blinked and thought she was alone,
Till Miss Strictly smacked the back of her head, told her not to blink,
“You must,” she said, “Open your eyes and learn how to think,
You must put down that phone and listen to me teach.”
“But you glare,” said Iris, “And you don’t teach; you preach and screech.”
The angry Miss Strictly did reach for that phone and smashed it to bits!
Sending Iris into hysterics and bits of fits, nearly losing her wits,
Miss Strictly resumed her instruction, telling the students to pay her respect,
But Iris could only pay respects to her phone—what could she expect
To learn from Miss Strictly, who spoke only of math
And science and English and the history of wrath?
With rage and pity, Iris stared at her phone’s remains,
Her little eyes flooded with tears, she felt so much pain.
Like little round ships, the eye balls in her drooped head started to float,
As if creating a safety moat or setting sail from a port in a squishy boat,
Then Miss Strictly stopped her lesson and came to Iris,
Opened her palm, prepared a slap—it’s why she’s a miss—
And with uncontrollable rage, she smote Iris on the crown,
And her two moated eyeballs popped out and fell down,
Iris the pupil, no longer had her own two pupils to see,
They were stuck to her phone by the strict Miss Strictly.
Written at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas
Las Vegas, Nevada
Monday, March 7, 2106
Picture: “Irish: Who Stared at Her Phone until Her Eyes Popped out”
By the author,
Pencil on Resume Paper,
Monday, March 7, 2016